Frequently Asked Questions

Attorneys charge $400+ per hour  (+ extremely expensive retainer agreements) - even for simple emails or short calls, every minute is billable. A divorce coach helps you minimize those costs by preparing you before you speak to your lawyer, reducing unnecessary communication, and keeping your focus on the big picture: protecting your kids, your peace of mind, and your financial future.  A lawyer handles the legal side. But they’re not trained in emotional coaching, communication strategy, or co-parenting. Coaches fill that gap - and save you money  before or during your case so it does not drag out or feels overwhelming. 

A coach helps you choose the right divorce path (mediation, collaboration, or litigation), ask the right questions, and avoid costly emotional mistakes  so you stay out of court, and in control.

A divorce coach is your personal strategist who helps you organize your case, communicate more effectively, reduce emotional reactivity, and save money by minimizing unnecessary attorney time. In high-conflict cases, a coach can also help you prepare responses, avoid common legal traps, and advocate for your children’s best interests.  

Read more here: https://www.lawyersweekly.com.au/sme-law/26110-why-engaging-a-divorce-coach-is-so-important-for-family-lawyers

 https://www.oursouthbay.com/with-the-help-of-a-divorce-coach-your-impending-split-could-be-more-efficient-and-a-lot-less-expensive/

https://www.independent.com/2019/12/31/divorce-coach-in-your-corner/

The length of a coaching program depends on the individual and their goals. Some programs may last a few weeks, months, while others may last a year or more.

I have assembled a carefully selected team of ethical professionals who are dedicated to your best interests. My team includes:

• Family, criminal and civil law attorneys
• Financial advisors (CFA, CDFA)
• Therapists
• Psychiatrists

While that is indeed my area of expertise, I have also received training & certification in various aspects of high-conflict negotiations involving toxic personalities, whether they are business partners, family members, or professional counterparts. My mission is to guide you towards empowerment and resolution, help you build newfound confidence in navigating these challenges. 

According to studies and research, a high-conflict personality (HCP) is characterized by a consistent pattern of engaging in frequent and intense conflicts. Individuals with HCPs often struggle with managing their emotions, telling the truth, blaming others, projecting & gaslighting, particularly when faced with disagreements, confrontation or stress. While not all HCPs have a formal personality disorder diagnosis (as they possess a high level of manipulative skills in navigating the system ), they frequently exhibit traits associated with certain personality disorders.

Children experiencing a high-conflict divorce can suffer significant emotional and psychological effects, including anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, aggression, difficulty forming healthy relationships, academic struggles, and a heightened risk of developing mental health issues due to the constant stress and feeling of being caught in the middle of their parents' ongoing conflict; they may also struggle with feelings of guilt, confusion, and insecurity about their loyalty to each parent. Children learn how to interact in relationships based on their observations of their parents. Witnessing confusion while being ignored, may lead them to adopt negative communication styles, such as hostility or avoidance in their own future relationships.  The negative impacts of adult conflict on children can be profound and enduring. It is crucial for parents to manage conflicts constructively, not blame or badmouth the other parent, instead consider the emotional well-being of their children rather than how to hurt the other parent.  

I have had the most experience with narcissism, in particular covert narcissism, which motivated me to study and become a certified expert in the subject.  Studies and research on covert narcissism suggests it is a distinct form of narcissistic personality disorder and is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance that is concealed behind a shy or introverted façade. Individuals with this presentation may exhibit manipulative, deceptive, and controlling behaviors in a private setting. This form of narcissism can be particularly challenging to identify because those affected often present extremely charming persona to the outside world. Additionally, the disorder's nature, which can involve distorted perceptions of reality, may lead to deception, making diagnosis complex.

Some signs associated with covert narcissism include:

• Sensitivity to criticism:  Due to their fragile self-esteem, strong & irrational reactions to criticism is unavoidable.
• Attention-seeking: A craving for attention (needs constant supply to boost their ego).
• Manipulation: The use of manipulation, gaslighting and deception to achieve desired outcomes (victim-played mentality) .
• Boundary violations: A tendency to disregard people's boundaries.
• Inflated sense of self: An exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement.
• Lack of empathy:  a profound disregard for the feelings and needs of others.
• Difficulty with Intimacy: The lack of empathy can hinder their ability to form intimate relationships. Genuine intimacy requires vulnerability, which narcissists often evade due to their self-absorption and fear of exposure. 
• Understanding of Others' Emotions: Struggle to understand or appreciate the emotions of others (including their own children). They may fail to recognize distress, sadness, or joy in others because they are predominantly focused on their own experiences and needs.
• Surface-Level Relationships: Relationships that are often superficial. A lack of genuine empathy means that they may not engage deeply enough to develop connections, focusing instead on what others can provide for them (attention, social interactions, status, etc.) rather than forming emotional bonds.
• Avoid any type of accountability: Refrain from acknowledging their own role in conflicts or problems; present themselves as the injured party in most situations. Always project their own dishonest actions, twist or make up a new reality to suit their narrative, motivations, or shortcomings to others.
• Love-Bomb, then Devalue:  Overwhelm the other with excessive affection, attention, and gifts. The intent is to create a strong emotional bond to gain control over the other person by creating dependency and emotional attachment. It makes the recipient feel valued and cherished, leading them to trust deeply. Devalue shift serves to destabilize the partner, making them feel inadequate, insecure, and often pushing them to try harder to regain the love and validation they initially received. This cycle reinforces the power dynamic, with the manipulator maintaining control over the relationship. This pattern of love-bombing followed by devaluation can create a cycle of emotional highs and lows, making it difficult for the victim to leave the relationship. The initial love-bombing creates a strong attachment, which can make the devaluation feel particularly painful and confusing. 

Judges are trained to evaluate the evidence and apply laws, recognizing HCP traits isn't typically their primary focus therefore they can be manipulated to believe the wrong side. However, certain behavioral patterns associated with narcissism - such as lack of empathy, arrogance, deceitfulness, or difficulty accepting responsibility - may be evident in courtroom interactions.  While judges may observe behaviors indicative of narcissism, their role is to interpret and apply the law rather than diagnose personality disorders. Recognizing high conflict tendencies often depends on behavioral patterns that emerge during proceedings. 

There are different types of high-conflict personalities (HCP). I am going to talk about the covert as it is the most difficult one to recognize. From an outsider's perspective, it is nearly impossible to identify when someone is dealing with a covert narcissist. Recognizing the behaviors can be quite challenging. It is essential to observe how the individual responds to confrontation, disagreements, and any form of criticism. Consider whether they display genuine empathy, if their narratives remain consistent or shift depending on the audience, and whether they accurately convey facts or exaggerate to appear more knowledgeable and aware than they actually are.

Relationships with narcissists can be some of the most mentally and emotionally draining experiences a person can endure. Initially, a narcissist may mirror everything you wish to see and feel, presenting themselves as caring and attentive. They make you feel welcome and deeply valued. Their primary objective is to earn your trust, loyalty, affection, and admiration, ultimately leading you to develop a profound loyalty and emotional connection that makes it challenging to break free from their influence (trauma bond, unsecure attachment).

Narcissists thrive on control and often manipulate through tactics such as guilt, gaslighting, deceit, coercive control and emotional volatility. This creates a cycle that keeps you continuously striving for the idealized version of them that initially captured your interest, often leading you to blame yourself when conflicts arise.

Their manipulation can be relentless, driven by an unyielding need for dominance. They will stop at nothing, even if it means hurting themselves or others, to maintain control over you. Breaking free from a narcissist requires careful strategy, but with the right tools and support, it is entirely possible.