Frequently Asked Questions

Divorce can be both emotionally and financially overwhelming. When every disagreement is handled through attorneys, formal discovery, court filings, and hearings, legal expenses can grow quickly - particularly in high-conflict cases.

Attorneys play an important role in providing legal advice, protecting legal rights, and representing clients when litigation is necessary but every minute is billable and ends up in extremely high fees. Not every decision in a divorce needs to be resolved through an adversarial, stressful and very expensive process.

Mediation offers another path.

Rather than having two attorneys communicate back and forth on every issue and very often delaying the case, mediation brings both parties into a structured process with a neutral mediator who helps them identify the issues that need to be resolved, exchange relevant information, explore possible solutions, and work toward agreements.

This can allow clients to use their attorneys more strategically - for independent legal advice, reviewing proposed agreements, and addressing legal questions - rather than relying on attorneys to manage and charge for  every conversation and disagreement.

A well-structured mediation process can help you:

• Identify the issues that actually require resolution and keep discussions focused on them
• Organize financial and parenting information before negotiations begin
• Reduce unnecessary attorney-to-attorney billable communication over issues that may be resolved directly through mediation
• Address multiple issues in one structured setting rather than through repeated billable: emails, phone calls, letters, and court filings
• Improve communication and reduce escalation, particularly when conversations have become unproductive
• Develop clear and detailed agreements that can reduce misunderstandings and future disputes
• Keep parenting decisions focused on the needs of the children and the family’s long-term stability
• Preserve financial resources that might otherwise be spent on prolonged conflict and litigation.

When high-conflict dynamics are present, traditional negotiation can become especially difficult. Communication may repeatedly break down, positions can become entrenched, and relatively small disagreements can consume significant time, money and resources.

My training in divorce mediation and high-conflict negotiation informs how I structure the mediation process. Clear agendas, defined issues, focused communication, appropriate boundaries, and careful preparation can help prevent difficult dynamics from taking over the conversation.

As the mediator, my role is not to represent either party or determine who is right or wrong. My role is to remain neutral while helping both parties communicate effectively, evaluate options, and work toward practical agreements they can each make informed decisions about and put children's best interest first.

Choosing mediation does not mean giving up the ability to consult with an attorney. In fact, clients may benefit from having independent legal counsel available during the mediation process.

The difference is how those professional resources are used.

Instead of asking attorneys to negotiate every disagreement from beginning to end, clients can use mediation to work through issues together and consult their individual attorneys when legal advice or independent review is needed.

For many families, this combination can provide the benefits of legal guidance while reducing the financial and emotional cost associated with unnecessary litigation.

The value of mediation is not simply measured by the number of attorney hours saved. It is also found in creating a process that gives families greater control over their decisions, reduces unnecessary conflict, and allows them to move forward with greater clarity and stability.

At High Conflict Resolution (HCR), the goal is to help families resolve what can be resolved outside the courtroom - while recognizing that some matters may still require independent legal advice or court intervention.

Every issue resolved through thoughtful agreement is one less issue that may need to be fought over in expensive litigation where a judge makes a decision for you.

Every mediation is different. Some disputes can be resolved in just a few hours, while others may require a full day or multiple sessions over a longer period of time.

The length of mediation depends on the complexity of the issues, the level of conflict, the number of decisions that need to be made, and each party’s readiness to reach an agreement.

At HCR, mediation is tailored to the needs of each family. The goal is not to rush the process or prolong it unnecessarily, but to provide enough time and structure for both parties to address the important issues, consider their options, and work toward informed, practical, and sustainable agreements.

No. You do not need to have a lawyer in order to participate in divorce mediation. Many couples choose mediation specifically because they want to work through their divorce directly, with the assistance of a neutral mediator, rather than having expensive attorneys negotiate every issue for them.

However, a mediator does not represent either party or provide individual legal advice. You are always free - and may be encouraged - to consult with an independent attorney during the mediation process, particularly when you have questions about your legal rights or before signing a final agreement.

Mediator and legal counsel can also work together. You can use mediation to resolve as many issues as possible and use an attorney when you need independent legal advice or review of a proposed agreement.

You don’t have to choose between mediation and having legal guidance. Mediation can help you reach the agreement; an independent attorney can help you understand what that agreement means for you.

Not necessarily. You can begin working with a private divorce mediator before filing your divorce case with the court.

Some couples choose to begin mediation first so they can understand the issues, gather financial information, and start working toward agreements before formally involving the court. Others file the initial divorce paperwork first and mediate while the case is pending.

In California, filing the divorce case formally starts the legal process and begins the required six-month waiting period before a divorce can become final. Filing does not mean that you have chosen litigation or that a judge must decide your issues - you can still use mediation to work toward an agreement.

Once a divorce case is filed, there are also legal requirements and deadlines that must be followed. For example, California requires the parties to exchange all financial disclosures, with preliminary disclosures generally due within 60 days after the Petition or Response is filed.

If immediate temporary orders are needed - for example, regarding child custody, support, who remains in the family home, or payment of expenses - additional court filings may be appropriate.

At HCR, mediation can begin before or after a court case has been filed. The appropriate starting point depends on your circumstances and whether there are legal issues or deadlines that require attention.

Filing for divorce and choosing mediation are not mutually exclusive. The court provides the legal framework for the divorce; mediation gives you the opportunity to make the important decisions yourselves rather than asking the court to make them for you.

I have assembled a carefully selected team of ethical professionals who are dedicated to your best interests. My team includes:

• Family, criminal and civil law attorneys
• Financial advisors (CFA, CDFA)
• Therapists
• Psychiatrists

While that is indeed my area of expertise, I have also received training & certification in various aspects of high-conflict negotiations involving high conflict personalities, whether they are business partners, family members, or professional counterparts. My mission is to guide you towards empowerment and resolution.

High-conflict divorce and custody disputes often involve recurring patterns that can make traditional negotiation and communication difficult. These dynamics may include:

• Persistent communication breakdowns that make even routine decisions difficult to resolve
• Conflicting perceptions and narratives that leave parties feeling unheard, misunderstood, or mistrustful
• High-conflict communication patterns involving blame, defensiveness, escalation, or repeated disputes
• Power imbalances or coercive dynamics that may affect a party’s ability to participate effectively in the process
• Financial and litigation pressures that can intensify conflict and make resolution increasingly costly
• Hiding assets & secrecy, in most cases by the high earner
• Difficulty following or interpreting agreements that leads to recurring disagreements and continued conflict
• Parenting conflict that can place children in the middle of unresolved adult disputes.

Recognizing these dynamics allows the mediation process to be structured accordingly. Clear boundaries, focused communication, careful preparation, full disclosures, and a well-defined decision-making process can help reduce escalation and keep discussions centered on the issues that actually need to be resolved. At HCR, the goal is not to label either party or determine who is to blame. It is to understand the dynamics affecting the dispute and create a structured mediation environment in which both parties can participate meaningfully, evaluate options, and work toward clear, practical, and sustainable agreements. 

Children exposed to ongoing parental conflict during divorce can experience significant emotional and psychological stress. Research has shown that prolonged exposure to high-conflict dynamics may contribute to anxiety, depression, behavioral challenges, academic difficulties, and struggles with emotional regulation. For that reason a lot of parents choose Parallel Parenting method versus Co-Parenting. 

When children feel caught in the middle of parental shift blaming, communication or exposed to adult issues they are not developmentally prepared to process, they may experience feelings of confusion, insecurity, guilt, being abandoned, or feeling divided loyalty between parents. Situations involving ongoing adult conflict, or major family changes - such as proper introduction of new partners - can sometimes intensify these emotional challenges.

Children often learn how to communicate and form relationships by observing their parents. When conflict is handled through hostility, avoidance, intimidation, guilt, lack of validation or emotional withdrawal, children may internalize these patterns and later struggle to develop healthy communication and trust in their own relationships.

The effects of prolonged adult conflict can be both immediate and long-term. For this reason, child development experts consistently emphasize the importance of minimizing children’s exposure to adult conflict, and prioritizing THEIR emotional and mental stability throughout the separation and post-divorce process.

Whenever possible, parents are encouraged to focus on validating children's emotional and mental needs, respectful communication, and decision-making that supports their well-being rather than continuing avoidance and cycles of conflict.

You do not need to agree before coming to mediation - that is what mediation is designed to help with. But arriving prepared can make the process far more productive.

1. Clarity about what needs to be resolved

Before mediation, each party should have a clear understanding of the issues that require decisions - whether they involve parenting, finances, property, support, or other matters. You do not need to have the solutions, but knowing your priorities, concerns, and where you may have flexibility helps keep the conversation focused.

2. Complete and accurate information

Good decisions require reliable information. All financial documents (community property), parenting schedules, relevant agreements, and other information necessary to understand the issues should be organized and available. Transparency is particularly important in divorce mediation because meaningful agreements cannot be built on incomplete information.

3. A willingness to participate in the process

Mediation does not require the parties to trust each other, communicate perfectly, or even believe at the outset that agreement is possible. It does require a willingness to listen, consider options, communicate honestly, and explore whether workable solutions can be reached.

In high-conflict cases, parties may enter mediation with significant frustration, mistrust, or very different perspectives. That does not necessarily mean mediation cannot work. With the right preparation, clear boundaries, and a structured process, mediation can create a space for productive decision-making even when the relationship itself remains difficult.

You don't have to agree to begin mediation. You need enough information, preparation, and willingness to begin the conversation.